Ball Girl #045: Hearts, stars, and horseshoes. Clovers and blue moons.

Want the scoop on sports but don’t feel like translating ‘bro’ language? You’ve come to the right place.

Can I have your number?

• 101: Highest recorded volume (in decibels) of Maria Sharapova's on-court grunt/shriek. For context, that is louder than a motorcycle, a lawnmower and a small aircraft landing, about the same volume as an ambulance siren, and only five decibels quieter than a lion’s roar. Sharapova is now retired, a blessing to our ears (pun intended).

NBA

The NBA Finals between the Boston Celtics and the Golden State Warriors have begun. in case you East Coasties fell asleep for Game 1, here's what you missed

• The Warriors headed into the 4th quarter with a double digit lead, but over the next 12 minutes, the Celtics proceeded to score 40 points and secure the dub- I'm may have cried doing math homework with my dad at the kitchen table, but y'all thats a point every 18 seconds....

• Star of the game has to be Al Horford: He is 36 in his FIRST NBA Finals debut and he casually scored 26 points. I officially dub him the Daniel Craig of basketball- low key a bit too old to be an international super spy but we quickly forget that when we see his abs.

• Why this outcome should terrify Golden State fans more than getting a pimple on your wedding day: 73% of teams that win game 1 go on to win the finals. Mic dropped.

NHL

The first games of a series are like a first date

All you have are some photos and their answers to random hinge questions. You might feel like you know what you’re getting… but it doesn’t always pan out the way you thought. Aaand the Lightning fully got catfished last night.

Eastern conference finals — Tampa Bay Lightning (0) vs. NY Rangers (1): “Goalie? What goalie?” — the NY Rangers on Wednesday after they surprised us all and came out hot with a 6-2 win. 5 different Rangers scored against the ‘brick wall’ himself, Vasilevskiy. The Lightning have been chillin ever since they swept the Panthers though so they might just be getting back into the swing of things…

Western conference finals — Colorado Avalanche (2) vs Edmonton Oilers (0): After a high-scoring game 1, these teams both made adjustments and we saw a much more polished (albeit, more boring) game 2 last night. The Avalanche’s Nazem Kadri rose to the occasion when star forward Nathan MacKinnon found himself a little too popular with Oilers defense. Avs backup goalie, Pavel Francouz, managed to get the shut out. 

MLB

McCLUTCHen for the win

• What a come-back from the Milwaukee Brewers, who were down 4-1 (vs. the San Diego Padres) heading into the 9th and final inning.

• Jace Peterson tied the game up with a huge 3-run triple. Andrew McCutchen followed up with a clutch walk-off single to score the winning run.

NFL

Over and out

• After 16 NFL seasons, Frank Gore (Running Back & top leading rusher) is retiring from the NFL in the most wholesome way. Although Gore played with the New York Jets in his last NFL season, he signed a one-day contract with the San Francisco 49ers so that he could retire with the team that drafted him.

• Ryan Fitzpatrick (QB & Harvard grad) announced his retirement after 17 NFL seasons. While you might know him for his kick-ass beard, FitzMagic started games for all 9 of the NFL teams that he played for – a NFL QB record.

Golf

Live from Dublin, Ohio (wherever that is)!

• After R1 of the 2022 Memorial Tournament at Muirfield Village Golf Club, 4 players are T1 at 5-under for the day - Cameron Young, Luke List, Cameron Smith, and K.H. Lee. Will Zalatoris (5th) and Max Homa (T6) ****sit close by, while Jordan Spieth (12th), Jon Rahm (T21; #1 in odds to win) Collin Morikawa (T21), Patrick Cantalay (T34; #3 in odds), Xander Schauffele (T34), and Rory McIlroy (T56; #2 in odds) all lag behind.

The PGA vs. LIV saga continues…

• For the past 4 months, the PGA vs. LIV Golf (PGA rival) feud has been ongoing - recall the Phil Mickelson drama… but at the crux of the feud is the PGA not wanting its players affiliated with nor competing in LIV tournaments. Well, now the LIV Golf Invitational Series is right around the corner (June 9-11, which overlaps with the RBC Canadian Open), and 13 tour members are set to play, including Dustin Johnson (World #13) ****and Sergio Garcia.

• The PGA Tour commissioner, Jay Monahan, warned players “that they would face stiff penalties for competing in the rival circuit” (likely meaning they would be banned from competing in PGA tournaments). Rory McIlroy says “while he wouldn’t play in LIV events, he can understand why other players would opt to do so.”

Tennis

French Open 2022: The End in Sight

~THE GALS~

• It’s looking like World #1, Iga Świątek, is gonna do it again. After defeating Zheng in the fourth round, and Pegula in the quarter-final, she advanced to the semi-final, taking on #20 seed, Kasatkina. No surprise, though, Świątek blew it out of the park, winning 6-2, 6-1 (pictured below, left), sending herself to the final, set to play on Saturday. She will take on our American gal, Coco Gauff (#18 seed; pictured below, right), at 9am.

• The Coco Gauff Tea (thanks, Sports-ish): This young stud, just 18 years old, graduated high school and qualified for her first Grand Slam final in the VERY. SAME. WEEK. She is the youngest Grand Slam finalist since 2004.

~THE BOYS~

• Can Rafa claim his 14th French Open victory? Or will he lose to underdog Čilić? Just kidding, we don’t know, but our prediction is that the two will face each other in the final. Rafael Nadal (#5 seed) and Alexander Zverev (#3 seed) will face each other in the semi-final this morning at 8:45am EST, and afterwards Casper Ruud (#8 seed) and Marin Čilić (#20 seed, pictured below) will play at 11:30am. People are loving the Nadal/Zverev matchup, but sleeping on the Ruud/Čilić game would be a mistake - Čilić managed to defeat #2-seed Daniil Medvedev in the fourth round on Monday, and is hungry to claim his 2nd Grand Slam victory at Roland Garros.

Must Watches This Week

Friday, June 3rd

• 8:00pm ET, Tampa Bay Lightning vs NY Rangers, NHL: Eastern conference got off to a ~spicy start… hopefully the Rangers can keep the streak going. Lord knows NYC needs a win.

• 10:10pm ET, New York Mets @ Los Angeles Dodgers, MLB: Game 1 of 4 between the two best National League teams. Could this be an NLCS preview??👀

Saturday, June 4th

• 8:00pm ET, Colorado Avalanche vs Edmonton Oilers, NHL: What once was a high scoring affair has since cooled off. Unless the Oilers can fuel a comeback!

Sunday, June 5th

• 3:00pm ET, Tampa Bay Lightning vs NY Rangers, NHL: Regardless of what happens on Friday, I think this will be a decisive game for the rest of the series…

• 8:00pm ET, Boston Celtics vs. Golden State Warriors, NBA: Golden State doesn't just want this win. They need it because after this they head into Boston where its WICKED cold.

Time Out for the Tea

Social media erupts following Lia Thomas’s cry for “equality and fairness”

• Lia Thomas, transgender female swimmer for the University of Pennsylvania, has now become the first transgender woman to win a D1 national title…and sports fans (especially via social media) are having none of it. On Good Morning America this past Tuesday, Thomas said “I knew there would be scrutiny against me if I competed as a woman. I was prepared for that but I also don’t need anybody's permission to be myself and do the sport I love.” Caitlyn Jenner (transgender woman, herself) responded “I'm not blaming her. I'm just blaming the system right now. That has to be looked at.”

Lawsuit against Deshaun Watson for sexual misconduct…again

• Deshaun Watson, Cleveland Browns QB, has been accused, yet again, of sexual assault. This is the TWENTY-THIRD civil lawsuit for sexual misconduct against Watson. Nia Smith, a Houston cosmetologist says that Watson asked her to massage him in his butt, and she has now filed a lawsuit against him, though Watson “vehemently denies the allegations.”