Ball Girl #061: It’s Friday, and I’ll be drinking extra this weekend

The Nets have essentially lost all three of their superstars since 2022- James Harden bounced to Philly, Kevin Durant requested a trade, and now we are left with Kyrie who is the ultimate problem child. So why does this hurt a little extra today? because it looks like the NY Knicks are going to acquire superstar Donovan Mitchell from the Utah Jazz. No. I’m not okay

Can I have your number?

412: How far Tiger Woods’s drive went yesterday on No. 14 of the first round at St. Andrews (in yards)…the longest tee shot of the day. This man is 46, has literally one functional leg, and is still ripping stingers. We’re in shock, just like this guy…

TLDRs:

🏁 If you’ve been reading our recent letters, you’ve probably noticed a new trend; Mercedes is actually winning??!!? In case you forgot, Mercedes has been basically an irrelevant team since 2016 but in recent races, they are giving Red Bull and Ferrari a run for their money- would the real slim shady please stand up because Mercedes is BACK

🏀 NBA Commisioner Adam Silver is debating lowering the the current eligible draft age of 19; this sparks intense debates- like more so between you and your ex about what actually happened. Proponents point to kick starting young players already limited careers; antagonists point to childhoods cut short and the decline of college sports. Stay TUNED

🏒 Free agency has thus far proven crazier than your freshman year roommate— biggest move IMO is from the Av’s (this year’s Stanley Cup winner). Their former goalie Darcey Kuemper is going to the Washington capitals for a 5 year 5.25M deal. Goalies are hot right now with not enough quality ones to go around. Kinda like the number of eligible men in NYC.

🏌️After Round 1 at the 2022 British Open, Cameron Young (1), Rory McIlroy (2), and Cameron Smith (3) sit at the top of the leaderboard. Meanwhile, Tiger (T146) sits at the bottom, a place he’s not used to hanging out.

⚾️ We are hot and heavy in baseball season with games galore- read on for our most important games of the night. Sorry, we have favorites…

MLB

L.A Dodgers (4) vs. St. Louis Cardinals (0)

• Dodger’s pitcher Tyler Anderson had himself a night, pitching 6 shutout innings- talk about playing hard to get. This marks L.A’s 11th win straight, whereas St. Louis is on a dry spell, having lost eight of their last 12 games.

Seattle Mariners (6th ) vs. Texas Rangers (5)

• Y’all Seattle is a pretty beat city for a lot of seasons (unless you are a Gray’s Anatomy or Twilight fan- but maybe that can’t even justify moving to basically western Canada). So they deserve some decent sports team. Well, the Mariners haven’t been to the playoffs since 2001 but that dry stream might be about to snap. The Mariners recovered from a four-point deficit against the Rangers last night; this marks their 11th win straight! Does Seattle have something to root for other than a YA novel!?

Watch the comeback play that changed it all for the Mariners.

Golf

St. Andrews taking a beating on our homeboy

• The 2022 British Open is underway and we are SQUINTING to find Tiger on the leaderboard. Well, actually, we just had to go to the literal bottom and there he sits - tied for 146th after a FAT +6 first day at St. Andrews. We wonder if this may be the straw to break the camels back… that being, send Tiger into official retirement. For context, Tiger’s performance yesterday matched the highest score of his career.Tiger’s mood rn:

• On the other hand, Cameron Young, Rory McIlroy (betting fav), and Cameron Smith sit 1, 2, 3 after -8, -6, -5 first day, respectively.

Must Watches

Friday July 15th:

• All Day: Round 2 of the Open Championships (Golf)

• 7:05pm ET: Boston Red Socks vs. New York Yankees (MLB)

Saturday July 16th:

• 2:05pm ET, Chicago White Sox vs. Minnesota Twins (MLB)

Sunday July 17th:

• 1:40pm ET, Philadelphia Phillies vs. Miami Marlins (MLB)

Time Out for the Tea

Trolls questioning Brittney Griner’s gender over photos of a man with questionably similar tattoos

The Holy Trinity: Links, shotguns, and ice cream cones?