Ball Girl #082: This week on LIV Island, a hot new bombshell enters the villa

I’m suddenly finding golf as entertaining as reality TV. Quick reminder, the #2 ranked golfer in 👏 the 👏 world 👏, Cameron Smith, Aussie, Joe Exotic look-a-like, declared he’s breaking up with the PGA to join LIV golf. If that wasn’t a big enough deal alone, Smith will be making his debut appearance for LIV this weekend in Boston at the Oaks Course. Smith will be competing against other world-class players like Dustin Johnson, Bryson DeChambeau, and Phil Mickelson and more for a piece of the $25mil purse ($4mil winner’s share).

Can I have your number?

All the numbers you need today:

TLDRs

🎾 US Open second round update: WOMEN — Serena Williams defeated #2 ranked Anett Kontaveit 2-1. #1 ranked Iga Swiatek defeated Sloane Stephens 2-0. MEN — #1 ranked Daniil Medvedev defeated Arthur Rinderknech 3-0. #3 ranked Carlos Alcarez Garfía defeated Federico Coria 3-0. Rafael Nadal defeated Fabio Fognini 4-1. All wins advance to the third round. Serena and Venus Williams lost first (and only) doubles match to Linda Nosková and Lucie Hradecká 2-0.

🏈 The NFL season is fast approaching… This is our last weekend without NFL football until February. Read on for an overview of this season.

🏀 The Cleveland Cavaliers are officially the guy “she told you not to worry about”. Everyone was talking about Utah Jazz superstar Donovan Mitchell potentially getting traded to the NY Knicks… Well, NBA fans just had a bomb dropped on us that Mitchell will in fact be traded to Cleveland in exchange for 3 players I’ve never heard of and a handful of first round picks.

🏁 As if Max Verstappen didn’t have an advantage enough (reminder… Red Bull Driver, winning the World Driver’s championship by nearly triple digits), this weekend we head to his native land for the Dutch Grand Prix. Unsurprisingly, Max is the heavy favorite with his orange-mob fan base tailgating and terrorizing opponents like a state school in college football season.

🎓🏈 Last night, we had one of our first big rivalry games of the season: West Virginia and Pittsburgh. This rivalry dates back to the 19th century, when it was the ‘coal miners’ of the south vs. the ‘steel miners’ of the North, and the game became known as the “Backyard Brawl”. Because of conference realignments, we actually haven’t seen this game since 2011… but it’s 2022 and the Brawl is back like the next covid variant! Pitt secured the dub with a pick late in the 4th quarter. All I can say is… are you not entertained?!?!

⚾ The Mets beat the Dodgers on Wednesday night in probably the most perfect baseball game ever played. Jesus Christ himself pitched for the Mets in the earthly form of Jacob deGrom. Center fielder Brandon Nimmo had a home-run-robbing catch to preserve the Mets’ lead. And in the 9th inning, the infamous walk up song of closing pitcher Edwin Diaz came on — played LIVE by Timmy Trumpet himself. Diaz brought the heat and shut down the Dodgers for the win. The Mets beat the Dodgers again last night to take the series.

NFL

Keeping up with the NFL Season

The NFL season is right around the corner, so here is a special BG edition dedicated to what you need to know before games start up next week! Since we have been leaning heavily into the Roger Goodell<>Kris Jenner comparison lately, it’s only fair to keep the analogy going and break down the top teams going into this season for you in terms of the Kardashian fam. You’re welcome.

Kansas City Chiefs (AFC West) are obviously Kim Kardashian

• The Chiefs are the main character of the NFL right now thanks to their QB, Patrick Mahomes. In case you didn’t know, he’s one of the most talented QBs in the NFL and boasts the highest contract in NFL history ($450 million). The Chiefs are showy, they’re known for their offense, and they like to have a good time out there. It’s the Chiefs’ moment, and they’re not shy about it.

Los Angeles Rams (NFC West) are our girl, Khloe

• This team has changed a lot over the years, much like our gal Khloe… the biggest and most notable change being a new face acquiring stellar QB Matt Stafford in 2021, who led them to a Super Bowl win last year. They’re likable, they’re straight talkers… No bullshit, just good football. & the Rams have been through some stuff — they’re competing in one of the most competitive divisions, the NFC West.

Cincinnati Bengals (AFC North) are young, flashy… Kylie, of course

• The Bengals are a young and up and coming team, with dashingly handsome Joey Burrow at the helm. He led them to last year’s Super Bowl in only his second year in the league. People forget that Kylie was the first billionaire of the Kardashians — she is gorgeen, yes, but she’s a hustler, much like Joey B. & his team. They’re young, but not one to back down from a challenge, and shocked the world last year making it to the Super Bowl (even though they lost to the Rams).

Buffalo Bills (AFC East) are as cool as Kendall

• The Bills are objectively the coolest new team on the block, especially to folks in Buffalo (it’s all they have…). They’re pretty lowkey, no history of greatness, but they’re quickly becoming quite relevant thanks to their QB, Josh Allen, a freak athlete and natural leader. They lost tragically to the Chiefs in the AFC championship last year and will be out for blood this season.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (NFC South) annoy me almost as much as Kourtney

• Sooo the Bucs aren’t the most ~likable team as a whole. For years, they weren’t known for their heart or their personality… or really anything. But in 2020, they snagged up the goat himself, Tom Brady, and have been riding his talent to NFL playoffs ever since. This makes them incredibly annoying but undoubtably a leader in the league. Tom Brady is just a football machine at this point, he doesn’t miss.

Green Bay Packers (NFC North) — who are they? Oh, it’s Rob.

• The Packers were kind of in the background last season. They are usually a solid team thanks to QB Aaron Rodgers. He has been around forever and is never too flashy but generally reliable (although I bet he wishes he was at burning man rn). They had a really disappointing playoffs run last year and Rodgers will be looking to redeem himself this season.

Finally, let’s talk about the road to the Super Bowl rq

• There are two conferences within the NFL, the AFC and the NFC. Then within each conference, there are four divisions — North, South, East, and West. Once the regular season is over, the four division winners and the three best runners up from each conference take the playoffs.

• So there are a ton of teams that I didn’t mention who will be good, but won’t make it to the big stage! To put this in Kardashian, Kylie shot to billionaire-dom via her cosmetics company, meanwhile Kendall wasn’t going to become a billionaire by modeling… but stay in your lane, I guess? Next week, we’ll talk about some of the best players (& personalities) in the league.

Must Watch This Week

Today, Friday, September 2

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, New York Yankees vs. Tampa Bay Rays

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, Seattle Mariners vs. Cleveland Guardians

• ⚾ 10:00pm ET, San Diego Padres vs. LA Dodgers

• 🎾 7:00pm ET, US Open Women’s Singles (3rd Round), Serena Williams vs. Ajla Tomljanović

• 🎾 8:15pm ET, US Open Men’s Singles (3rd Round), Daniil Medvedev (#1 ranked) vs. Wu Yibing

Tomorrow, Saturday, September 3

• ⚽ 7:30am ET, Everton vs. Liverpool

• ⚾ 6:00pm ET, New York Yankees vs. Tampa Bay Rays

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, Seattle Mariners vs. Cleveland Guardians

• ⚾ 9:00pm ET, San Diego Padres vs. LA Dodgers

• 🎾 Time TBD, US Open Women's Singles (3rd Round), Iga Świątek (#1 ranked) vs. Lauren Davis

• 🎾 Time TBD, US Open Men’s Singles (3rd Round), Rafael Nadal vs. Richard Gasquet

• 🎓🏈 12:30pm ET, Oregon vs. Georgia, College Football

• 🎓🏈 4:00pm ET, Utah vs. Florida, College Football

• 🎓🏈 4:30pm ET, Notre Dame vs. Ohio State, College Football

Sunday, September 4

• ⚽ 11:30am ET, Manchester United vs. Arsenal

• ⚾ 1:00pm ET, New York Yankees vs. Tampa Bay Rays

• ⚾ 2:00pm ET, Seattle Mariners vs. Cleveland Guardians

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, San Diego Padres vs. LA Dodgers

• 🎾 US Open, Matches & Times TBD

• 🏁 9:00am ET, Dutch Grand Prix, F1

• 🎓🏈 3:30pm ET, Florida State vs. Louisiana, College Football

Monday, September 5

• 🎾 US Open, Matches & Times TBD

• 🎓🏈 8:00pm ET, Clemson vs. Georgia Tech, College Football

Time Out for the Tea

Mayfield refutes saying he’s set to “f**k the Cleveland Browns in week one”

• Baker Mayfield, former quarterback for the Cleveland Browns and new quarterback for the Carolina Panthers, allegedly stated that he’s going to “f**k the Cleveland Browns in week one”. This was understandably met with substantial criticism from the public. Shortly after, Mayfield refuted that he ever made the comment… And Mayfield’s wife, Emily, posted on her Instagram about how emotional it has been for her (and Baker) to leave Cleveland. We’re all confused, sports fans.

Like what you see? Subscribe here!