Yep, the Dallas Cowboys are the funniest joke among NFL internet trolls right now because every year, they get a lot of hype and then…fall flat. Dallas looked promising heading into this season, but they humiliated themselves in their first game last weekend when Brady and the Buccaneers pummeled them 19-3. Now their QB, Dak Prescott, is injured for a couple weeks with a fractured thumb, so they’re further screwed.

Can I have your number?

$50mm: The largest purse in golf history, which belongs to the recently-announced LIV Golf Invitational at Trump National Doral Miami from October 27-30. The 1st place team prize will be $16mm, with 12 four-man teams competing for the top prize. 2nd place gets $10mm, 3rd place will split $8mm, and the 4th place award is $4mm. And we wonder why players are fleeing from the PGA Tour?

**Note:this excludes this year’s record Tour Championship $75mm prize bucket as that is considered a “bonus pool.”

TLDRs

🏁 We have only 6 races left in the season, but it doesn’t really matter for the World Driver’s Championship (reminder, the competition for the driver with the most points at the end of the season), because Red Bull’s Max Verstappen has a triple digit lead. What about the Constructor’s Championship, you ask (competition for the team with the most points this season)? Well, unsurprisingly, Red Bull is winning that, too. So why still watch? Because lets not forget that F1 drivers are as attractive as Kendall Jenner’s ex-boyfriends and as dramatic as the Bachelorette.

🎓🏈 After a ~CrAzY~ week 2 of college football, we are gearing up for an exciting week 3. Key game to look out for: Georgia vs. South Carolina. Mind you, the spread on this game is currently 24 points (that’s more than three touchdowns my newbie-football ladies) so why am I saying to watch it? Because Georgia is out here playing like a goddamn NFL team. Their defense has let up only THREE points in 2 games. My god, my body count is higher! SO I need to see if this is a fluke or a trend to fear for the season.

🏈 Two Super Bowl potentials faced off last night in some good ole fashioned Thursday Night Football. Justin Herbert and the LA Chargers managed to get a lead on the KC Chiefs but Patty Mahomes pulled one of his classic comeback stories and the Chiefs scored 20 unanswered points in the second half to get the win.

⚾ The Tampa Bay Rays sent a message about their wild card standing last night after completely blowing the Toronto Blue Jays out of the water, 11-0. The Rays and the Jays have been battling it out for 2nd place in the AL East. It’s looking like both teams, along with the Seattle Mariners, will make the playoffs as wild card teams from the AL come October.

⛳ The Fortinet Championship (a rather irrelevant tournament if we’re being honest) kicked off today in Napa, CA. After the first round, Justin Lower sits at the top of the leaderboard at 9-under. The LIV Golf Invitational Chicago starts tomorrow in Sugar Grove, IL.

🎾 Roger Federer has announced he will retire from tennis after the Laver Cup in London next weekend, where he will play alongside longtime rivals, Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic. “I’m 41 years old, I’ve played more than 1,500 matches over 24 years, and tennis has treated me more generously than I ever would have dreamt… and now I must recognize when it is time to end my competitive career.” Federer is a 20-time major winner and has struggled with injuries in recent years, having undergone three knee surgeries in the last three years.

🏀 ICYMI, the biggest trades of the off-season thus far are Donovan Mitchell going to the Cleveland Cavaliers and Pat Beverley traded to the L.A Lakers. And y’all, their reactions to their new respective homes are hysterical. Patrick Beverley threw a goddang welcome home HOUSE PARTY whereas Mitchell basically said he wanted to live in New York. RIP to Cleveland 💀

NFL

Trouble in paradise

Tom Brady (Tampa Bay Bucs QB) and Giselle Bünchen (Brazilian model & Brady’s wife) have been on the rocks since Brady announced decision to come out of his short-lived retirement. Here’s the CSI of the sports gossip:

• February 1, 2022: Tom Brady announces retirement from the NFL.

• March 13: Brady announces un-retirement.

• July 27: Tampa Bay Buccs kick off training camp.

• August 3: Brady turns 45. Sports fans, we should’ve known better than to believe his retirement if for no reason other than this: “Brady has always said publicly and privately that he would play until 45. Last year, his brief retirement at age 44 left one head-scratching tidbit unanswered, which is why he pulled the plug a year earlier than planned.”

• August 11: Brady leaves said training camp to go on a trip to the Bahamas with his family, “making good on a mid-retirement promise he made to his wife, Gisele, that he would vacation with them in August for the first time in two decades.” Head coach Todd Bowles said Brady was “excused” from training, “going to deal with some personal things…[There’s] something he needs to handle.” Bowles says the leave was predetermined by the coaching staff.

• August 22: Brady returns to camp; a Bucs member reports him being “on fire” during practice. Fans speculate that the 45 year-old was not actually on vacation but rather getting plastic surgery after he is shown in a Bucs press conference looking like botched Caitlyn Jenner.

• September 1: Reports surface that Giselle “left their family compound in Tampa, Fla., for Costa Rica following a series of heated arguments over Brady’s shock decision to un-retire from the NFL while he has remained behind for team training.” A source tells Page Six “Tom and Gisele are in a fight right now,” adding that “this has happened before with the couple, but they have always reunited in the past.”

• September 11: Tampa Bay’s first game and Giselle goes ghost mode. A few days leading up to the game, a source told PEOPLE, "it's always a big thing when Gisele is coming to watch the game, with extra security and snacks for the family, but… there's none of that for Sunday's game”. It was later confirmed that Giselle was not in attendance, but tweeted the below, perhaps to keep appearances up. The same source told PEOPLE that “everyone here knows that there's tension, but we don't know how serious it is. So we're just not talking to him about Gisele. It's not a topic anyone wants to bring up to him."

• September 13: Giselle breaks silence in interview with Elle Magazine. “For most of her kids’ lives, Bündchen has purposely downshifted her fashion career” while Tom has been able to thrive in the NFL. Now she says, "I've done my part, which is [to] be there for [Tom].” Quotes from Giselle: “I feel very fulfilled in that way, as a mother and as a wife… and now it’s going to be my turn,” highlighting not only modeling, but more importantly, her primary ambition being “the regeneration of our planet’s natural resources, especially in her home country of Brazil.”“Obviously, I have my concerns [about Tom’s return to the NFL] — this is a very violent sport, and I have my children and I would like him to be more present… I have definitely had those conversations with him over and over again. But ultimately, I feel that everybody has to make a decision that works for [them]. He needs to follow his joy, too.” Giselle says she has done her part, which is seeing her children succeed, seeing Tom succeed and seeing him being fulfilled in his career. But now, she says “I have a huge list of things that I have to do, that I want to do… At 42, I feel more connected with my purpose.” The question is, is Tom part of that purpose?

• September 15: Giselle gives Tom an ultimatum and the two are living separately at the moment. A source told PEOPLE, “She doesn’t hate that he’s playing football, but she sure hates the way he handled the retirement and coming back… He knows that, and he’s doing what he can do to smooth things over. He does know that this is his last season if he wants to stay married.” However, the report noted that their marriage is “not over by any means.” **Another source told PEOPLE that ‘Gisele is “frustrated” with Tom and “has been spending time away from” him. “Going back to Tampa after the retirement put a strain on the personal side of his life… Gisele is frustrated and sick of his career coming before their family, who has always supported him.”’

• 2023: It is expected that Brady will finish this year with the Buccs, then “head to FOX Sports, where a 10-year, $375mm announcer/ambassador deal awaits”…if his marriage can survive that long.🥴

Must Watch This Week

Today, September 16, 2022

• ⛳️LIV Golf Invitational Chicago

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, Philadelphia Phillies vs. Atlanta Braves

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, Baltimore Orioles vs. Toronto Blue Jays

• ⚾ 8:00pm ET, NY Yankees vs. Milwaukee Brewers

Saturday, September 17, 2022

• ⛳️LIV Golf Invitational Chicago

• 🎓🏈 12:00pm ET, #1 Georgia vs. South Carolina

• 🎓🏈 12:00pm ET, #6 Oklahoma vs. Nebraska

• 🎓🏈 12:00pm ET, Texas State vs. #17 Baylor

• 🎓🏈 3:30pm ET, #12 BYU vs. #25 Oregon

• 🎓🏈 3:30pm ET, #22 Penn State vs. Auburn

• ⚾ 3:00pm ET, Baltimore Orioles vs. Toronto Blue Jays

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, Philadelphia Phillies vs. Atlanta Braves

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, NY Yankees vs. Milwaukee Brewers

• 🎓🏈 9:00pm ET, #13 Miami vs. #24 Texas A&M

Sunday, September 18, 2022

• ⛳️LIV Golf Invitational Chicago

• 🏈 1:00pm ET, Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ New Orleans Saints

• ⚾ 1:30pm ET, Baltimore Orioles vs. Toronto Blue Jays

• ⚾ 1:30pm ET, Philadelphia Phillies vs. Atlanta Braves

• ⚾ 2:00pm ET, NY Yankees vs. Milwaukee Brewers

• 🏈 4:30pm ET, Arizona Cardinals @ Las Vegas Raiders

• 🏈 8:00pm ET, Chicago Bears vs. Green Bay Packers