Ball Girl #091: This Monday is about to humble me like twitter humbled Ben Simmons

Ben Simmons’ PR team needs to ban him from Twitter and duck tape his mouth because everything he says is just Super Weenie Hut Jr. status (SpongeBob fans anyone?). This past weekend, Simmons said, “I feel like I’m a part of Philly still,” inciting twitter SCORN. For context: Simmons was traded from the Philadelphia 76ers to the Brooklyn Nets in February. He refused to play a SINGLE game for the Nets from February onward for ‘mental health’ reasons. So yea. No 💩 sherlock, of course you still feel a part of Philly; you’ve refused to play for anyone else!!!

Can I have your number?

2017: Year of the first annual Laver Cup. The Cup is a team competition played between Team Europe and Team World. The Cup was created by Roger Federer’s management company, TEAM8, Jorge Paulo Lemann (Brazilian businessman and former Davis Cup player), and Tennis Australia in honor of Rod Laver, Australian tennis living legend. This year’s cup featured the last tournament of Roger Federer’s career.

Pictured: Roger Federer (left) and Rafael Nadal (right) get emotional after Federer’s last match before retirement.

TLDRs:

⛳The U.S. Team emerged from the 14th President’s Cup victorious, defeating the International Team 17.5-12.5. Xander Schauffele won his match yesterday to clinch the win.

🎾The 5th Annual Laver Cup took place this weekend, featuring both Men’s Singles and Doubles matches and most notably marking the last tournament of Roger Federer’s career. Frances Tiafoe clinched the win for Team World yesterday in his singles match against Stefanos Tsitsipas.

🎓🏈 Week 4 of college football did NOT disappoint. Given the fact that there were more games than episodes of Love Island UK, here are the top takeaways: 1) C.J. Stroud (Ohio State QB) could be poaching the Heisman trophy from Bryce Young (Alabama QB) given that he is averaging 4 TDs per game 2) Tennessee humiliated Florida TWICE this weekend with unranked Middle Tennessee upsetting #16 UMiami and U of Tennessee beating U of Florida for only the 2nd time in their last 18 meetings. 3) Texas Longhorns were looking like a promising bachelor this year but they blew a 14 point lead — with 4 minutes left — to Texas Tech. Back to the bench you go, Longhorns.

🏈 Sunday night football gave us some juicy QB showdowns. Read on for more.

🏒 Training camps are well underway (read: summer camp for grown men… a chance for players to bond with each other, prospects to try their hand at the pros, and coaches to watch what works and what doesn’t). This means that the season is just around the corner, officially kicking off on October 7th/8th. TGIHS (Thank god its hockey season; yup just made that up and will be opening an accompanying fast food chain).

⚾ Albert Pujols joins the 700 Club! No, not the christian broadcasting network... it means he has hit 700 home runs in his career. This is a HUGE deal. Only four (FOUR!!) players in all of baseball history are in the 700 club, and I even recognize these names: Babe Ruth, Barry Bonds, Hank Aaron, and now Albert Pujols.

NFL

& the student becomes the master…

Yesterday we saw some interesting QB matchups go down in Sunday night football… Namely, Tua Tagovailoa vs. Josh Allen, and Aaron Rodgers vs. Tom Brady. One of these matchups is a young duo battling it out on the road to stardom, and the other, a veteran showdown. And both pit a slightly more established name over the other. Surprisingly, we saw the underdog come out on top twice.

Tom Brady vs. Aaron Rodgers: The Battle of the Grandpas

• Tom Brady is like your grandpa who was in the war and has seen some things, and Aaron Rodgers is your grandpa who followed the Grateful Dead around & went to Woodstock. Very different vibes… but both of these players are largely considered all-time greats, and their teams are top contenders in the NFC.

• Brady is 45 y.o. and has played 22 seasons in the NFL, 20 of which with the New England Patriots. He has 7 the Super Bowl wins, 6 with the Patriots. He was named the NFL Most Valuable Player three times (2007, 2010, 2017).

• Rodgers is 38 y.o. and has played 17 seasons in the NFL, all of them with the Green Bay Packers. He’s led the Packers to one Super Bowl victory… and in between, he was named the NFL Most Valuable Player four times (2011, 2014, 2020, 2021).

Game recap: Green Bay Packers 14, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 12

• Yesterday’s battle between these greats came down to the wire. After a game ironically dominated by defense, Brady & the Bucs made a huge drive to tie it up in the 4th quarter. The Packers kicked a field goal to go up with little time remaining. Brady worked his usual devil magic to drive down the field all the way to a touchdown attempt on the fourth down for the win — and thats where the magic ran out, as the attempt was incomplete. Rodgers walked away with his second career win against Brady. Their record against each other is now 2:3, Rodgers:Brady.

Josh Allen vs. Tua Tagovailoa: Battle of the Bbs

• While the previous game centered around a bunch of old fogies (kiddinggg), this game was more like the battle of the kindergartners of the NFL. Both of these QBs are in the early early days of their careers and hungry to prove themselves.

• Josh Allen, as you may remember from our feature story a couple weeks ago, is a humble farmer boy. He wasn’t a huge college success, but broke out on the scene in the NFL these past couple years, and now his Bills team is a Super Bowl favorite.

• Tua Tagovailoa, on the other hand, grew up in Hawaii and had a wildly successful college career (he was named Alabama’s MVP). He was drafted in 2020 and has struggled a bit since joining the NFL stage, but is incredibly talented.

Game recap: Miami Dolphins 21, Buffalo Bills 19

• So popular opinion favored the Bills going into this game… Josh Allen & his offense has seemed unbeatable to this point, and Tua has struggled. The score was all tied up going into the second half, but then the Bills took control and seemed to dominate. Tua left the game for a bit after wobbling from a particularly nasty hit. Then the Bills’ kicker missed a FG and energy shifted. Tua came back out and the Dolphins got a second wind. Tua absolutely lit up the field, throwing absolute dots to Jaylen Waddle (WR), which set up a scoring drive by Chase Edmunds (RB) to get the Dolphins the win.

Must Watch This Week

Monday, September 26th

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, Washington Nationals vs. Atlanta Braves

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, Toronto Blue Jays vs. NY Yankees

• 🏈 8:15pm ET, NY Giants vs. Dallas Cowboys

Tuesday, September 27th

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, Washington Nationals vs. Atlanta Braves

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, Toronto Blue Jays vs. NY Yankees

• ⚾ 7:40pm ET, Milwaukee Brewers vs. St. Louis Cardinals