Ball Girl #099: Can I pull a Brady today?

Sorry Brady fans, but the GOAT conducted himself very un-GOAT-like this past weekend. His team, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, shockingly lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers. That’s not why fans are upset, though. Apparently, Brady missed practice the day before because he was HUNGOVER from partying at Robert Kraft’s wedding (Kraft is the owner of the Patriots, and yes… this is the same one as the Mac N’ Cheese brand). As a reminder, Brady is already taking off every Wednesday practice. As a team leader, not a great look. Don’t kill me, Bucs (and Pats) fans, but maybe Brady shoulda stayed retired to keep his marriage AND his respect intact.

Can I have your number?

1,498: Number of days since Keegan Bradley’s last PGA Tour win (2018 BMW Championship). Bradley finished second in three tournaments between, but no wins… until yesterday! A very emotional day for Bradley.

TLDRs

⛳Keegan Bradley won the Zozo Championship yesterday, finishing 15-under for the weekend, just one stroke ahead of Rickie Fowler and Andrew Putnam (T2). Bradley bagged $1.98mil for his efforts, but the bigger prize is that his 4+ year win drought is over. On the LIV side, Brooks Koepka won the LIV Golf Invitational Jeddeh, defeating Peter Uihlein in a 3-hold playoff yesterday. Koepka brought home $4mil for his W.

🎓🏈 We had one of the biggest upsets in recent memory this past weekend with Tennessee defeating Alabama for the first time in 16 years. This is why we LoVeE college ball. It’s giving more surprises than seasons 3, 4, and 5 of Gray’s Anatomy. Read on for more.

🏀 The Golden State Warriors franchise is taking out their CHECKBOOK: they just cut Andrew Wiggins a 4-yr $109M deal. This comes right after they gave Jordan Poole a 4-yr contract extension for $140M. A lotta (non-Warriors fans) have been complaining that they are the best year after year just because they can PAY for top talent… they aren’t wrong either, but hey, that’s capitalism. 💀

🏒 Everyone’s been waiting for the downfall of the Pittsburgh Penguins for years. Their star forward Sydney Crosby is getting low-key old (35 = 75 in hockey years) and their defensive pool is dryer than my college dining hall’s chicken. However, the Penguins proved the Haters WRONG with a 6-2 massacre of Tampa Bay Lightning this past Saturday. And Syd the not-so-little-kid? Yea, he had a goal and two assists. With age comes POINTS, I guess.

🏈 There is some weird energy in the air in the NFL these days… the powerhouse teams of yesteryear are no more, and teams that have sucked for eons are suddenly on a run. This weekend, NY teams showed up and showed out: the Giants beat the Ravens to go 5-1 for the first time since 2009. The Jets dominated the Packers and are now on a three game win streak. Josh Allen threw a dot to Dawson Knox to lead the Buffalo Bills to victory over Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs, 24-20. And down in Philly, Jalen Hurts and the Eagles continue to impress — they beat their long-time rivals, the Cowboys, 17-26. The Eagles are now 6-0 for only the third time in franchise history. (As an Eagles fan, I am now obligated to KNOCK ON WOOD). Tune in tonight for MNF, where we’ll see if Russell Wilson and the Broncos have a shot at turning their not-so-successful season around…

⚾ All but one team has advanced to their league’s respective championship series (read: the semifinals before the World Series). Besides one top team moving on, we saw a bunch of upsets. The powerhouse Astros barely eked by the Mariners after a marathon 18-inning game with no runs when Jeremy Peña hit a bomb to send everyone home at like 1am. Now for the upsets — the Phillies went off against the Braves and took the series in 4 games. Then the Padres shocked us all and beat the Dodgers, who were heavily favored. They just have that dog in them… underdog, that is. The Yankees and the Guardians play today, and whoever wins will move on and round out the final four.

College Football

• Going into Saturday’s college ball games, a lot of people were murmuring that the Tennessee Volunteers (yes, that’s their mascot…. someone needs to hire a better head of marketing) could pull off a MASSIVE upset win against Alabama. ‘Bama has looked shaky several times this season — first against the Texas Longhorns, and then against Texas A&M.

• Remember Nick Saban? Bama’s ALL STAR head coach who may or may not have mystical powers? Well, looks like Saban’s luck finally ran out, because for the first time since 2006, the Volunteers (sorry, couldn’t resist) walked away the victors, 52-49.

So what ingredients went into this winning recipe for Tennessee?

• A love connection: Tennessee's QB Hendon Hooker and WR Jalin Hyatt had some some serious chemistry on their date Saturday, connecting for for FIVE touchdowns.

• ‘Score early, score often mindset: Nope, this isn’t a saying men use to pick up girls… I hope. But you never know. Tennessee scored their first TD in the first 15 minutes of the game and didn’t slow down after that.

• A home court advantage: Would you rather go home with a random guy to his gross room with no headboard, navy sheets, and 1 pillow? OF COURSE NOT. You go back to your beautiful, girly, hygenic palace. Well, same goes for sports. Tennessee had the home-advantage. It was their space, their ~~ vibe ~~, and their house to protect.

• PSYCHO Intimidation tactics: ESPN caught the most horrifically perfect moment on film: a Tennessee defenseman, clearly exhausted from playing in the scorching trenches, stared a ‘Bama player dead in the eyes, VOMITED WITHOUT FLINCHING, then immediately took the line. If I saw this, I’d straight up sprint off the field, y’all, because you know that mother f***cker is just CRAZY. (see below for video evidence 👀 )

• Bama’s fall didn’t end on the field — after the game, they TUMBLED to 6th in the AP Poll, meanwhile Tennessee skyrocketed to 3rd. Don’t get too upset yet, my ‘Bama fans… As we have seen week after week, this list can DRASTICALLY change on any given Saturday.

Must Watch This Week

Monday October 16th

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, NY Yankees vs. Cleveland Guardians

• 🏈 8:00pm ET, LA Chargers vs. Denver Broncos

• 🏒 7:00pm ET, Florida Panthers vs. Boston Bruins

• 🏒 8:00pm ET, Colorado Avalanche vs. Minnesotta Wild

Tuesday October 17th

• ⚾ 8:00pm ET, San Diego Padres vs. Philadelphia Phillies

• 🏒 9:00pm ET, Vegas Golden Knights vs. Calgary Flames

• 🏀 7:30pm ET, Philadelphia 76ers vs. Boston Celtics

• 🏀 10:00pm ET, L.A Lakers vs. Golden State Warriors