Ball Girl #100: I’m looking at the weekend like Jordan Poole is looking at his first ring

In case you forgot because you live under a rock like Patrick Star, the Golden State Warriors won the NBA Championship last year. This marked Steph Curry’s 4th ring, but lil’ baby Jordan Poole’s first. When presented with his ring, our homie's face was absolutely priceless. It was like a baby tasting its first bite of sugar—a dog licking its first puppacino. & hopefully, my face when I get engaged… or get a pity ring from my parents once I’ve hit 50 and am still single. I digress.

Can I have your number?

4.0: Number of seconds it takes F1 cars to accelerate 0 to 100mph. F1 cars can decelerate 100 to 0mph in 4 seconds, too.

TLDRs

⛳The CJ Cup is next up this weekend (starting Thursday) at Congaree Golf Club in South Carolina… a close second to South Korea. If you’re missing the joke, this tournament is usually played in South Korea, but COVID travel restrictions to South Korea remain in place for the third year in a row soooo South Carolina, it is. Rory McIlroy looks to defend his title, while Keegan Bradley looks for back-to-back victories after Zozo this past weekend. Total purse: $10.5mm. Winner’s share: $1.89mm.

🏀 NBA IS BACK BABY!!! Last night kicked off with season openers the Boston Celtics taking on the Philadelphia 76ers, followed by the Golden State Warriors challenging the Lakers. Biggest takeaways: 1) Boston is still running like a MACHINE with their star duo Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown scoring 35 points….EACH 2) Philly’s league veteran James Harden proves he isn’t washed up quite yet— “The Beard” dropped 35 points last night and what looks like 35 pounds in the off-season 3) Dig Golden State get BETTER?! Golden State has dominated the NBA basically for the last decade. They lost some talent, didn’t acquire much, and yet their bench had 41 points in last nights match up. That team has more depth than I can ever dream about achieving with my therapist.

🏈 Another tough MNF game as we had to watch Russell Wilson and the Broncos flop yet again… Final score: Chargers 19, Broncos 16.

⚾ We’re on our way to the Championship Series (aka, the semifinals) and we have a preview for u! Read on for more. 

🏒 The Dark Horses of the 2022/2023 NHL are just proving to be donkeys. Like in Shrek 2. When the magical potion wore off. I’m talking about the Minnesota Wild and the Vancouver Canucks, both of whom are 0-3 thus far in the season. What’s happening you ask? Wild’s goalie Marc Andre Fleurry is looking like he really needs to retire; at 37 years old, he currently has the WORST save percentage in the league at 77% 💀 FYI, league average is 91%. Meanwhile the Canucks area already having team-only meetings. If you’re going to couples therapy 3 dates in, you’re in trouble.

MLB

MLB Playoffs Update

Only four teams remain and we’re officially in the “Championship Series” — aka, the semifinals before the World Series. So far, the ole adage has proven true: anything can happen in playoff baseball. We have two completely different matchups ahead… in the AL, a legacy duo that has seen this stage many a time, and in the NL, two teams that are just happy to be here. Picture the Rock & Samuel L. Jackson vs. Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrel in the Other Guys. Here’s the preview of what’s about to go down:

American League Champion Series (ALCS) — Houston Astros vs. NY Yankees

These teams are the BIG DOGS — two dynasty teams that have dominated the MLB for years and years. And they have a history! The Astros beat the Yankees in the ALCS round in 2017 and 2019, so its a bitter rivalry at this point.

Houston Astros

• The Astros beat the Yankees in 2017 and then went on to win World Series — but they CHEATED! They ‘stole signs’, which means they used a camera to figure out the signs that the catcher gave to the pitcher, and then signaled to the batter what the pitch would be. This was a huge scandal back in the day and I’m not sure the Yankees are ready to forget it.

• To get here, the ‘Stros beat the Mariners in 3 games… a relatively easy series, despite an 18 inning third game that brought both bullpens to their knees 💀

• One of their best players is young stud Jeremy Pena, who hit the lone homer of that 18 inning game to send the ‘Stros to the Championship series.

NY Yankees

• The Yanks will be out for blood in this series as they are still salty from all the drama that went down in 2017. Despite being one of the big dogs, they haven’t won a World Series since 2009…. and it seems they believe they would have won in 2017 were it not for the lousy cheatin’ Astros (jk jk Astros fans don’t come for me 😬).

• To get here, they had to battle it out against the Guardians, complete with a rain delay, so they aren’t as well rested going into first game… I doubt that will slow them down, though, especially considering one of their best players is Goliath himself, aka Aaron Judge, who beat decades-old home run records this year and stands at a whopping 6’7”.

• Fun fact! The Yankees make all their players cut their hair short and shave their beards — they can only have mustaches. Matt Carpenter is one of the few to actually rock the ‘stache:

National League Championship Series (NLCS) — Philadelphia Phillies vs. San Diego Padres

Now for the underdogs — or in nicer terms, the ‘up ‘n comers’ of the league. These teams were NOT supposed to make it this far, but nevertheless, have really stepped up to the plate this postseason (pun intended). Only time will tell which of these teams will summon their inner Gator and advance to the World Series.

Philadelphia Phillies

• If you recall the preview that I wrote a while ago, the Phillies were NOT meant to make it this far. They do have good players and have been on the come up the last couple years, but this postseason every player has absolutely PERFORMED. And its fun to watch.

• Kyle Schwarber, Bryce Harper, Nick Castellanos, and J.T. Realmuto are some solid Phillies who have been on the roster for a while and have made all the difference this postseason. More recently, they acquired star pitchers Noah Sindergaard & David Robertson.

• They defeated the Padres in the first game of the series last night, 2-0. It was a nail biter but the Phils pulled through thanks to a massive bomb from Kyle Schwarber and lights out pitching by Zach Wheeler and Jose Alvarado.

San Diego Padres

• These guys somehow eked their way by the Dodgers in a miracle series. Reminder — the Dodgers blew the rest of the competition out of the water in the regular season and have one of the most stacked baseball teams in MLB history.

• But anyways back to the Padres… they’ve been looking pretty good lately, thanks to recent signings Manny Machado in 2019, Yu Darvish in 2020, and Josh Bell, Josh Hader, and Juan Soto in the last year. And those guys have been worth the money, every bit — especially Soto, who, in the series-deciding game against the Dodgers, got the game-tying hit and later scored in the 7th inning to spur the Padres’ epic comeback.

Time Out for the Tea

A friendly reminder to always shoot your shot…

Sources say Brittney Griner is only allowed to shower twice a week and can only go outside once a day in the Russian prison she has been held in since February 2021- a torture tactic and the self-chosen lifestyle of a gamer bro.

Must Watch This Week

Wednesday, October 19th

• ⚾ 4:30pm ET, San Diego Padres vs. Philadelphia Phillies

• ⚾ 7:30pm ET, Houston Astros vs. NY Yankees

Thursday, October 20th

• ⚾ 7:30pm ET, NY Yankees vs. Houston Astros

• 🏈 8:15pm ET, Arizona Cardinals vs. New Orleans Saints