Ball Girl #115: Weekend Sports Recap

In case you didn’t get the memo: Ball Girl is back!

Your sports bestie is back, three times a week in your inbox with all the tea. And soon, even more entertainment on TikTok, Instagram, and Spotify (hard launch incoming shortly). TLDR, we’re becoming the Kardashians of sports news: we’re freakin’ everywhere. Whether you're here for the touchdowns, the drama, or just to have something new to talk about at the water cooler, we got you.

🏈 NFL: Tush Push to Nowhere and Doink Shots

• Rams Win, Bills Swipe Left
  The Rams and Bills turned yesterday into a 44-42 thriller more exciting than season 1 of Vanderpump Rules. The underdog Rams jumped out early, with Rams’ QB Stafford & WRs Kupp and Nacua basically being the NFL version of relationship goals, while Rams’ defense blocked a punt and ran it back for a TD. Meanwhile, Bills QB Josh Allen gave his all but still got ghosted. He racked up 3 rushing TDs and 3 passing TDs (making history as the first player to ever do so) but even that wasn’t enough. Then came the Battle of the Seans. Bills’ coach McDermott’s “tush push” play call in the 4th quarter was about as successful as my last Hinge date. The attempt was blocked, timeout wasted, and the clock ran out. Rams’ coach McVay, on the other hand, was cool as a cucumber. Rams win, and the Bills go back to swiping left.

• Chiefs Doink in a Win
  The Chiefs started this game like they were recovering from an egg nog hangover, but they pulled another rabbit out of their hat and beat the Chargers, 19-17. QB Justin Herbert and the Chargers managed to come back from a 13-7 deficit and take the lead with 5 minutes left, but (and I’m beginning to sound like a broken record here) you can’t ever count Patrick Mahomes out. The Chiefs methodically drove down the field, and Mahomes sent Travis Kelce an impossible pass smoother than a TikTok influencer’s transition to get the Chiefs in field goal range. Head coach Andy Reid ran down the clock to just 1 second, and then kicker Matthew Wright barely finished it off – the ball doinked in off the post. With it, the Chiefs win their division (the AFC West) for the 9th straight time.

🎓🏈 College Football: PLAYOFF BRACKETS = LOCKED.

Sunday was the big reveal, as the College Football Selection Committee handed out those golden tickets to the top 12 teams. Today, we’ll break down the selections and all the related controversies. But before we dive into who made the cut, let’s rewind — this new playoff structure is a total glow-up.

How the New College Football Playoff Format Works

ICYMI, the College Football Playoffs just got a plastic surgery makeover so major, even a Kardashian would be jealous. The new 12-team setup has everything: drama, exclusivity, and enough twists to keep your group chat buzzing. Here’s how it works:

• The Top 4 Seeds: The highest-ranked conference champs get the VIP treatment: first-round byes (AKA they don’t have to play week 1). Think of them as the brunch crew who shows up late but still snags the best table.

• The Other 8 Teams: It’s the freaking Hunger Games in the first round, hosted on higher-seeded teams’ campuses. Talk about playing in enemy territory.

• Quarterfinals and Semifinals: These are staged at traditional bowl sites. Think of these sites as the college football equivalent of instagrammable hotspots. You’re going to go to say you’ve been. And obviously post it or did it even happen?

• The Championship Game: Held at a neutral venue to keep things fair — or as fair as college football drama gets.

Translation: The goal is to make the postseason spicier and less predictable while still prioritizing conference wins. But let’s be honest — there’s always a messy favorite (hi, SEC).

The 12 Teams Selected

Here’s who the committee selected yesterday afternoon, and the lineup is serving the perfect cocktail of elite drama and underdog energy.

1. Oregon: Quarterback Dillon Gabriel is basically the Hermione Granger of this team — smart, talented, and always two steps ahead. Their defense? More disciplined than your Pilates instructor.

2. Georgia: Running Back Trevor Etienne and backup QB Gunner Stockton are giving “work smarter, not harder” vibes. Meanwhile, their defense is so gritty they might as well be my exfoliator.

3. Boise State: RB Ashton Jeanty is out here breaking records and ankles like it’s his part-time job. They’re the top 3 ranking you didn’t see coming, like a surprise Taylor Swift double album drop.

4. Arizona State: RB Cam Skattebo hits defenses with the same energy as my 6:00am Celsius and 7:00am coffee combo. Underdogs, sure — but they bite.

5. Texas: QB Quinn Ewers is thriving under pressure, and his team is like a rom-com character who’s finally figured out how to “just be themselves.” It doesn’t hurt that Matthew McConaughey comes to all their games…

6. Penn State: QB Drew Allar’s precision throws are a whole mood. This team’s “never quit” attitude is like your friend who always has the energy (and the stomach) to go out, shots in hand.

7. Notre Dame: This squad screams “old money” — efficient, reliable, but lacking a bit of that razzle-dazzle to make you swoon.

8. Ohio State: The perennial powerhouse with a depth chart so stacked, it’s making my 12 step Korean skincare routine look weak.

9. Tennessee: Their high-octane offense is like your cousin who can’t stop oversharing at Thanksgiving — chaotic but wildly entertaining.

10. Indiana: Scrappy. Determined. Think of them as the underdog best friend in a Hallmark movie — you’re rooting for them, even if you know how it ends (spoiler alert: they don’t get the girl).

11. SMU: QB Kevin Jennings runs an up-tempo offense. This team doesn’t just thrive in chaos; they create it.

12. Clemson: QB Cade Klubnik is the cool, collected veteran at the heart of a team that knows how to make key plays when it counts.

Controversies Surrounding the Selection

Because what’s college football without a healthy dose of outrage?

• Alabama Left Out: The SEC fans are storming the metaphorical gates. Despite a handful of Top 25 wins, Alabama’s snub in favor of SMU has them crying louder than that one drunk woman and evil cat meme (you know the one).

• Notre Dame Drama: Some folks think Notre Dame was robbed at ranking No. 7, like they’re a main character but getting treated like a background actor.

⏰ When to tune in: The games pick up next next week (a few days before Christmas). We’ll keep you briefed as the time approaches.

🗞️ Gossip Corner

• Viking’ Latest Cinematic Imitation
  Just when we thought TD celebrations couldn’t get any better, Vikings’ safety Josh Metellus and teammate Cameron Bynum gave us a gem. After Metellus snagged an interception, the duo pulled out the iconic dance from the movie White Chicks as the rest of the unit cheered them on. Earlier this year, they whipped out the handshake from The Parent Trap. Who knows what will come next — Step Up, anyone?

• Timothée Chalamet, Lisan al Gaib of College GameDay

  Timothée Chalamet traded sandworms for footballs on ESPN’s College GameDay, and shockingly, the Dune star didn’t just show up for the vibes. As the guest picker, he rolled in with stats, research, and a little Interstellar loyalty — choosing Texas over Georgia in honor of his “movie dad,” Matthew McConaughey. But the real kicker? Chalamet channeled his inner “Lisan al Gaib” by correctly predicting Ohio’s blowout win in the MAC championship, citing QB Parker Navarro’s stats like a seasoned analyst. Turns out, Chalamet doesn’t just know ball — he’s the Himothée of picks.

That’s all for today, Ballers. We’ll catch you Wednesday!