Ball Girl #119: Bucks Soar, Rangers Sink

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🏀NBA

• Bucks Snag the NBA Cup — and Humble the Thunder: The Milwaukee Bucks wrapped up their perfect NBA Cup run by demolishing the Oklahoma City Thunder, 97-81, proving that their early 1-6 start was just a bad vibe, not a bad team. Giannis Antetokounmpo put on a “this is why I’m him” masterclass with a triple-double (26 points, 19 rebounds, 10 assists), leaving the crowd screaming “MVP” like it was a Beyoncé concert. Damian Lillard added his usual flair, nailing back-to-back threes and a five-point sequence that said, “Go home, OKC, you’re drunk.” Meanwhile, the Thunder shot 5-for-32 from deep, which is... not even cute for a TikTok ratio. Milwaukee celebrated their $515k bonuses like they won Powerball, and with this win, the Bucks officially turned their early-season chaos into “fear the deer” energy.

🏈NFL

• Minnesota Does it for Randy: Minnesota made easy work of the Bears on Monday, cruising to a 30-12 victory. And this game had a deeper meaning to the Vikings: NFL legend Randy Moss was honored before the game. Moss started his career with the Vikings, was All-Pro four times in his 14 years in the NFL, and is now battling cancer. Minnesota gave it their all for Randy, with Justin Jefferson giving him a shoutout after a touchdown. Minnesota now boasts the same record as their NFC North rival, the Detroit Lions. The Lions have already beat the Vikings once this season, but the Vikings will get a second chance in the final game of the season, a game which will likely determine the top seed of the NFC North and the NFC overall.

🏒NHL

• The Rangers’ Toxic Workplace Vibes: The Rangers fell 0-2 to the Preds last night — their 11th loss in their last 14 games. GM Chris Drury has been deploying ~interesting~ tactics to stop the free-fall (trading their captain, Jacob Trouba, and benching their best winger, Kaapo Kakko) but it isn’t exactly giving “I value my team” energy… more like, “You’re underperforming, so I’m going to make you miserable until you somehow fix it.” It’s like when your boss schedules a 7 a.m. meeting to “boost productivity” — it’s not helping, Karen. The locker room morale is plummeting just like their season record, and honestly, if the Rangers were employees, half the team would be fake-sick and updating their LinkedIn profile pic with the “open to work” banner.

• “Retire Already?” Malkin Shuts Twitter Up: Twitter came for 37-year-old Penguins center Evgeni Malkin, calling him washed and begging him to retire. His response? Ending a 17-game goal drought with a clutch score that screamed, “I’m not done yet.” Then Rickard Rakell, also a Penguin, finished the job in OT, deflecting Erik Karlsson’s shot for the 3-2 win over the Kings. The Kings’ Adrian Kempe scored just 33 seconds in, but even with goalie Darcy Kuemper’s 29 saves, LA couldn’t hold on. Meanwhile, the Penguins proved that sometimes, experience beats hot streaks — and Twitter ate its words.

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🗣️ Gossip Corner

• Hunter Wins the Heisman, Lenee Loses the Internet: Travis Hunter wins the Heisman Trophy — a dream moment for any college football player — and all anyone can talk about is how his fiancée, Leanna Lenee, didn’t immediately stand up and clap. It’s giving “forgot the anniversary” energy. While Lenee insists she was stepping back to let him have his moment, the clip of her needing a nudge has TikTok playing judge and jury. Hunter’s defense of her on Twitch was sweet, but let’s be real: how could you not need couple’s therapy after getting trolled as a unit by the internet? Relationship tip #1: Never let your haters set the narrative…

That’s it for today, ballers, see you on Friday!