It’s colder than your ex’s heart outside, and the sun sets at 4pm. Let’s be honest — you’re not leaving the couch, so why even pretend? Grab some drinks, get cozy and let’s dive into a full weekend of sports madness that will hopefully help us all feel something again.

🏈 NFL

Playoffs continue! The drama is only ramping up and we have some seriously spicy matchups going down this weekend in the divisional round. Buckle up, because the road to the Super Bowl is not for the weak…

Texans at Chiefs, Saturday 4:30pm
The Texans are the underdog of the playoffs, led by second-year QB C.J. Stroud and running back Joe Mixon. They’ve got a lot to prove, and they’re playing no less than the two-time defending champs themselves: the Chiefs (aka, Taylor’s boyfriend’s team). QB Patrick Mahomes and tight end Travis Kelce are still dominating like they have a cheat code. The Texans have the opportunity to pull the biggest underdog move ever and bring the Chiefs to a crashing halt. Will this be a historic upset or just another chapter in Kansas City’s dynasty? Either way, this one’s going to be a good old-fashioned barn burner.

Commanders at Lions, Saturday 8pm
The Commanders snuck into the playoffs after narrowly defeating the Buccaneers last week, thanks to rookie QB Jayden Daniels, who has had an absolute breakout year. They have a steep challenge ahead in the Lions, who easily nabbed the no. 1 seed in the NFC. The Lions have a stud QB in Jared Goff and two of the best receivers in the league (Amon-Ra St. Brown and Jameson Williams), but on Saturday, their running game is sure to shine. RBs David Montgomery, back from injury, and Jahmyr Gibbs, aka Sonic and Knuckles, will run all over the Commanders defense. Both teams’ have only become relevant in recent years, so you already know fanbases will be chomping at the bit on Saturday.

Rams at Eagles, Sunday 3pm
After the Rams’ game on Monday night was moved to Arizona due to the wildfires in LA, they absolutely ran through the Vikings, logging a record nine sacks. But now they’re running on one less day of rest, while the Eagles are rested and ready to make some serious noise. And the Eagles have a few tricks up their sleeve: a talented offensive line prepared to shut down those Rams’ dreams and RB Saquon Barkley, who can basically run through walls. Tune in to see which dreamboat will go down harder: Rams’ QB Matt Stafford or Eagles’ QB Jalen Hurts.

Ravens at Bills, Sunday 6:30pm
It’s a showdown of MVP-caliber QBs: Lamar Jackson and the Ravens are headed to Josh Allen’s territory: Buffalo, where the temperature is practically Arctic and the defense is just as cold. Lamar Jackson and Josh Allen are both known for throwing darts and using their legs to pick up yards like it's no big deal, which means this will probably be the most exciting game of the weekend. Expect a ton of action as both quarterbacks do everything in their power to make us question if they’re even human. Tune in to see who will come out as top dog: Lamar or Josh. Either way, don’t blink, or you might miss the next highlight reel.

Gossip Corner

A new Golden Child…
Chiefs’ QB Patrick Mahomes and wife Brittany welcomed their third child recently, and the internet went crazy over the new Mahomes’ name. A clear theme for their family has emerged, and its a doozy. Their children’s names are now Bronze, Sterling, and Golden. And I thought my parents had favorites… this is next level. The next name on their list has to be Diamond, right?

That’s all the drama in sports for today! Hopefully all this spice helps you stay warm… Happy weekend.