Ball Girl #38: Can someone commission Jason Sudeikis to write a theme song for Luka Doncic

Why you ask? The man is dropping 30+ points every single game while acting like a golden retriever puppy.

Can I have your number?

• 13: Highest record of men’s singles French Open titles, held by Rafael Nadal. Rafa will be back this year, looking to tack one on to his record.

NBA

Round 2 of the NBA Playoffs concluded. To help my non-NBA fans out there understand the gravity of this situation, this is equivalent Home Town Visits on The Bachelor.

Eastern Conference Finals: #1 Miami Heat vs. #2 Boston Celtics

• Why you may want to root for Miami: The Miami Heat have chance to win their first title since 2013, led by Texan-native Jimmy Butler. Butler was tossed around from team to team, unable to find his place (the man’s got a bigger mouth on him than Matt Damon in every Boston movie). That is, until he landed in Miami where his ‘quirks’ and MF filled vocabulary were embraced. Since then, he’s been EXCEEDING expectations at veteran age of 32. Is this Miami’s year, and more specifically, is it Jimmy’s?

• Why you may want to root for the Boston: We love to hate ‘em, especially when they just beat the Milwaukee Buck’s and the sweetheart of the NBA Giannis. but we gotta admit. Boston pushes out effective sports team more than Kris Jenner pushes out revenue generating children. What’s so appealing about this Boston team in particular is they have not 1, not 2, but 3 STARS (all of whom comfortably share the spotlight....for now). Peep Jayson Tatum, Jaylen Brown, and Marcus Smart.

The quirkiness of the one and only Jimmy Butler:

Western Conference Finals: #1 Phoenix Suns/ #4 Dallas Mavericks vs. #3 Golden State Warriors :

• Why you may want to root for the Dallas: Luka Doncic is the problem child of the NBA and by that I mean, he causes PROBLEMS for other teams. He pulled the upset off the century against the Phoenix Suns (who entered the playoffs as the #1 seed overall) and may I remind you he’s only 23 years old!?!? I never thought I’d date a younger man but if that man is Luka....I’ll rob that cradle, baby blanket, pacifier and all.

• Why you may want to root for the Golden State: Steph Curry and Klay Thompson have a connection deeper than my Dad with the dog he didn’t want. When they are both on their game, they are unstoppable. Steph Curry may be known for making 3s but I think it's time we start admitting how this man and his wifey Ayesha also make BEAUTIFUL children.

NHL

Round 1 Roundup

Round 1 games finished up last night. The underdogs couldn’t seal the deal and the ole “winner of game 5 is likely to win the series” odds didn’t turn out to be accurate AT ALL. We have all four 1 seeds headed into round two and the matchups are only getting ~spicier.

Here’s who is moving on from the eastern conference (teams in bold):

• Florida Panthers roll past the Washington Capitals thanks to an OT goal by Carter Verhaegen on Friday. The Panthers were lookin like Spongebob dried out under a sunlamp before this; they hadn’t won a playoff series since 1996. Now the taste of sweet, sweet victory.

• Toronto Maple Leafs fell to Tampa Bay Lightning on Saturday, thanks to Lightning third liner, Nick Paul, who decided to have a night. The Maple Leafs dry spell continues and the defending champs continue on their quest for the cup for the third year in a row.

• Carolina Hurricanes defeated the Boston Bruins in a heated game 7 to take the series. All thanks to Antti Raanta, backup goalie for the ‘Canes.

• New York Rangers staged an epic comeback against the Pittsburgh Penguins, winning in dramatic fashion last night in OT to take the series. They are only the third team in NHL history to come back from a 3-1 series deficit.

Aaaand from the western conference:

• Colorado Avalanche swept the Nashville Predators a while ago... where have you been?

• Minnesota Wild lost to the red hot St. Louis Blues. Also old news — Blues secured this win after game 6.

• Calgary Flames (2) vs Dallas Stars (2): TBD (Casey will add this in AM!!! Game is late)

• Edmonton Oilers secured this series against the LA Kings on Saturday. Star forward Connor McDavid assisted the game winning goal to Cody Ceci. McDavid is now the leading scorer of the postseason and one to look out for in round 2...

& now we have official round 2 matchups: (game dates/times will be announced later)

Florida Panthers vs. Tampa Bay Lightning

Carolina Hurricanes vs. NY Rangers

Colorado Avalanche vs. St Louis Blues

Calgary Flames vs. Edmonton Oilers

MLB

Every day is a bad day to be a Reds fan... but the Reds might have hit rock bottom last night

• Cincinnati is already the worst team in the MLB (and I am talking dead last, with only 9 Ws on the season), but the Reds game against the Pittsburgh Pirates last night was icing on the cake for the Reds’ shit show of a season.

• Reds’ rookie pitcher Hunter Greene and reliever Art Warren combined to allow zero hits against the Pirates. Now in almost every circumstance, this would and should result in a win... BUT somehow, the Reds managed to screw it up and lose the game by giving the Pirates a run in the 8th inning (off of 3 walks and a groundout).

Pujols takes the mound (yes, you read that correctly)

• Last night, one of the best hitters in baseball made his pitching debut.

• In the 9th inning of the St. Louis Cardinals’ 15-6 win over the San Francisco Giants, Albert Pujols took the mound.

• Ahead by 13 runs headed into the 9th, the Cardinals’ manager was looking for someone to come in and pitch for an inning so the Cardinals’ relievers could rest.

• Even though he gave up two homers, this experience was a dream come true for Pujols.

Golf

Twopeat for Lee!

• K.H. Lee does it again! Lee edged out Jordan Spieth yesterday at the AT&T Byron Nelson to take home the W (for the second year in a row, no less), shooting a record 63 in his final round for -26 total. Spieth wasn’t sleeping, shooting -5 in his final round for -25 total, though just didn’t quite cut it to keep his lead. Lee is well on his way to meeting both of his goals - to be the #1 golfer in the world, and to be the #1 sexiest golfer in the world. Suuuure. Made even more special that its his first win as a father... and that baby daddy Lee is bringing home $1.64mil.

Tennis

French Open / Roland Garros 2022

• For those who don’t know, yes, the French Open and Roland Garros are the same thing; the tournament takes place at Stage Roland Garros in Paris. The qualifying event starts tomorrow, and the main event starts on the 22nd. The tournament will last through June 5 (men’s final).

• What do you need to know?

  • People are looking to Novak Djokovic for the men’s (reigning champ) with Daniil Medvedev and Rafael Nadal in the mix, and Iga Świątek for the women with reigning champ Barbora Krejčíková on her heels, pending her injury status.

  • Russian and Belarusian players will be permitted to compete, though have to do so under a neutral flag/country name - this impacts players such as Daniil Medvedev, Andrey Rublev and Aryna Sabalenka.

  • No, Roger Federer and Serena Williams, two tennis-world GOATs, will not be competing.

F1

Do you believe in ghosts? Well how about curses

• Because Charles LeClerc seems to have a hex upon him in Monaco which is comical considering he is FROM THERE. He crashed on the Monaco GP course in 2018, 2019, 2021, and NOW 2022. That’s right, on Sunday morning Charles was driving what may be the most famous Ferrari in history (car used by triple world champion Niki Lauda) in nothing more than a local parade when he lost control of the rear tires and went into the barricades.

• Charles was safe and had some funny comments post interview. Let’s just hope his luck is better during the actual 2022 Monaco Grand Prix coming up in just 2 weeks.

Soccer

Liverpool, Chelsea complete double

• Liverpool men’s team and Chelsea women’s team won their respective FA cup finals this weekend. Both teams secured a ‘double’ with the wins. Liverpool men’s are now on their way to a quadruple... but its been a long season. The team is fatigued and they still have plenty more games to go, including remaining Premier League games.

Must Watch This Week

Tuesday, May 17th

• 7:00pm ET, Tampa Bay Lightning vs. Florida Panthers, NHL: The ultimate Florida man battle will go down in this round 2 series, with a stacked Panthers team looking to take down the defending champs.

• 8:30pm ET, Boston Celtics vs. Miami Heat, NBA: our first game of the eastern conference championships!!

• 9:00pm ET, St. Louis Blues vs Colorado Avalanche, NHL: These might be two of the best teams in the league right now... I predict that whoever wins this will go on to win the whole tournament.

Time Out for the Tea

Oh, to be an NFL wife...

Ben Simmons shade-throwing

After losing 4-2 to the Miami Heat, the Philadelphia 76ers are knocked from the playoffs - and everyone is blaming James Harden... apparently including Ben Simmons. If you remember, earlier this year, Simmons controversially left the 76ers meanwhile Harden joined the team. Now, Simmons has been spotted liking harsh tweets against Harden.