Ball Girl #43: Do you know why New York is called the Big Apple?

2022 did us New Yorkers DIRTY. First it was the Brooklyn Nets, and now, it might just be the New York Rangers...I JUST WANT TO BRAG TO MY BOSTON FRIENDS. FOR ONCE.

Want the scoop on sports but don’t feel like translating ‘bro’ language? You’ve come to the right place.

Can I have your NUMBER?

1. 11: Longest tennis match ever recorded (in hours) contested over three days between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut at 2010 Wimbledon. John Isner eventually won- meanwhile Mahut just gave himself 11 hours of cardio with nothing to show for it.

NBA

The Eastern and Western Conference Finals are underway. To help my non NBA fans out there, this is equivalent to Home Town Visits on the Bachelor.

Eastern Conference Finals: #1 Miami Heat (2) vs. #2 Boston Celtics (3)

• The tit-for-tat series changed pace Wednesday night when Boston won their second consecutive game in a row. So as my bestie might say when I give the ugly finance bro a chance, what the hell happened? Well, Boston’s defense- they relentlessly pressured the Heat forcing them to miss 2 out of every 3 shots from inside the arc. If you think that’s bad, well their 3 point shooting was straight UGLY

Western Conference Finals: #4 Dallas Mavericks (1) vs. #3 Golden State Warriors (3):

• Mavs were trying to accomplish the impossible last night- coming back from a 3-0 series deficit in the Western Conference championships. FYI this has happened in NBA history as many times as Harry Styles has responded to my DMs: ZERO. The Mavs didn't make it easy for Golden State but Forget Clear Eyes Clear Hearts: apparently having Klay Thompson on your team alone means you can't be toppled...

NHL

2 down, 2 to go…

Just three series to keep track of, now that the Lightning have secured their spot in Round 3. Two underdogs are still alive and going to game 6… MDW is bouta be filled with some dramatic hockey.

• Connor McDavid to the rescue! The Flames took the Oilers to OT last night despite the Oilers dominating the series. Connor McDavid fired one in 5 minutes into the extra period to send the Oilers onto round 3.

Carolina Hurricanes (3) vs. NY Rangers (2)

• Last night the Rangers got the wind knocked out of their sails early after a goal was called back... From then on out the Rangers’ forwards were quiet and the ‘Canes made quick work of them. The score was only 3-1, mostly thanks to rock-solid Igor Shesterkin battling it out in goal. The Rangers have to climb out of a hole now, but they’re headed back to MSG next and you know NYC brings the energy.

Colorado Avalanche (3) vs. St. Louis Blues (2)

• Blues manage to keep the series alive with an OT win! They rallied from a 3-0 deficit, pulled their goalkeeper to add a fifth player and get the tying goal, and then Tyler Bozak put in a long distance shot to end it. Let’s see if they can keep the Cinderella story going in game 6 this weekend...

MLB

Lil Luis Garcia meets his idol

Tennis

Fighting for first

• After the first round of the 2022 Charles Schwab Challenge, EIGHT players are tied for first, all 4-under for the day. Those elite eight are the following: Simpson, Reed, Scheffler, Varner III, Kirk, Taylor, Davis, and Hossler. Hovland, Homa, Spieth, Korikawa and Lee were even for the day (T43), and Thomas lagged behind, tied for 57th with a thiccc +1 day. As always, though, plenty of time for this to turn around for the better (JT - let us pray for him), or Worse (Scheffler & Co.). Odds still see Scheff bringing this win home, but Spieth is hungry for his second win of the year, so we shall see.

Tennis

French Open Second Round Updates

Tune in for Round 3 (Friday & Saturday), Round 4 (Sunday), and Quarterfinals (Monday & Tuesday)

• FOR THE GALS -

• Świątek (#1 seed) takes down Riske 2-0. Tough blow for Riske losing 6-0 and 6-2, but Swiatek is tearing up Roland Garos so can’t blame her for that.

• Badosa (#3 seed) defeated Juvan 2-1 in a nail biter (7-5, 3-6, 6-2).

• Parry takes down Osorio Serrano 2-0.

• FOR THE BOYS -

• Rafa Rafa ra ra ra! Rafael Nadal (#5 seed) defeated Corentin Moutet 3-0 in the second round at The French Open, resulting in the Spaniard’s claiming of yet another accolade - 300 career Grand Slam match victories. Nadal will take on van de Zandschulp tomorrow morning in Round 3.

• Djokovic (#1 seed) takes down Molcan 3-0, unsurprisingly. Djok will take on Bedene tomorrow morning in Round 3.

• Medvedev (#2 seed) beat Dere 3-0, also unsurprisingly. Medvedev will take on Kecmanović Saturday morning in Round 3.

• Tsitsipas (#4 seed) defeated Kolar 3-1 in another nail biter - 6-3, 7-6(8), 6-7(3), 7-6(7).

F1

As just like Selena Gomez in 2011, to Monte Carlo we go

• And in prepartation of our trip, here’s what you need to mentally pack. Monaco is Charles Leclerc’s home country (Ferrari driver, Armani model, perhaps the kindest human being on the planet) but he’s also famously CURSED on this track having crashed 4 times in the past 6 years. Nonetheless he’s favored to win the race according to sports books

• The course is the NARROWEST in all of F1 at the moment. What’s that mean? It’s really hard to overtake other drivers and really easy to crash into the barriers. Qualifiers (which deterime your starting position in the grid) have never been more important!

• The race is also a street track meaning it literally goes through the streets of Monte Carlo. Remember Delfino Square on Mario Kart? Yea that’s basically the Monaco Grand Prix

Must Watch This Week

Friday May 27th

• 8:00pm ET Colorado Avalanche vs. St. Louis Blues, NHL: Colorado has a chance to take the series tonight but remember....the team that wins game 5 goes onto take the series 70% of the time and that was St. Louis!!!

• 8:30pm ET, Boston Celtics vs. Miami Heat, NBA: Boston has a chance to end the series in Game 6- in Boston no less!

Saturday May 28th

• 10am ET, Monaco Grand Prix Qualifiers, F1: reminder, this track is narrow AF, like the tube dress I’m trying to fit into ATM. How you qualify could NOT be more important as it determines where you start on race day

• 8:00pm ET, Carolina Hurricanes vs. New York Rangers, NHL: Carolina has a chance to eliminate the rangers from the playoffs for good. New York will have just one more franchise to cry over...

Sunday May 29th

• 9:00am ET, Monaco Grand Prix, F1: what better way to wake up hungover on a Sunday morning than to F1? Tune in to see if Charles Leclerc can end his Monaco curse.

Time Out for the Tea

No Grins Griner Family

• Cherelle Griner, wife of WNBA star who has been detained in Russia since February (Brittney Griner), begs Joe Biden to bring her wife home. “I just keep hearing that he [President Biden] has the power…they’re holding her [Brittney] because they want you [President Biden] to do something. I want you to do it.”