Ball Girl #90: Forgot about TGIF

Sorry Katy Perry, but time to change your teen anthem; Tom Brady (and Julio Jones, for that matter) has announced that he will take every Wednesday off for the rest of the season, making it his rest day and de facto ‘weekend.’ When asked about this decision, Brady said "The fact that I've worked weekends for the last 23 years, I do deserve one day off a week so I think maybe, and I don't know if it's Wednesdays, but I get Tuesdays off… That's probably good enough for me.” Does this mean I can tell my boss I need Wednesdays off for my mental health, or is that type of audacity only reserved by the GOAT of all GOATs….

Can I have your number?

1,815 / 1,815: Stan Musial had a record 3,630 hits in his career when he retired in 1963. What’s even more impressive is that those hits were split exactly 50 / 50 between home / away. Talk about consistency…

TLDRs:

⛳ The first round of the 14th Presidents Cup finished yesterday, featuring five foursomes matches (alternate shot), of which the U.S team won 4/5. Xander Schauffele and Patrick Cantlay head into the second round today (which features five four-balls matches) as the fan favs, now being 5-0-0 in foursomes in international team competition (the largest win in a Presidents Cup Foursomes match in more than a decade).

🏁 Well, this weekend we shoulda-coulda-woulda been heading to Russia for the next grand prix, but Putin had to go on and cause global outrage by invading Ukraine. You know what they say…Karma’s only a betch if you are! So another week, my F1 friends, we patiently wait.

🎓🏈 Bring back the INTO THE THICK OF IT sound from TikTok because we are officially IN college football season with week 4 about to kick off. There are so many amazing matchups this weekend (see below) but if I had to pick one, which lemme tell you is like admitting my favorite pet (I say admitting because c’mon we all actually have one), it would be Florida vs. Tennessee. For the first time in nearly 20 years, Tennessee is favored with a solid offensive line. Meanwhile, Florida’s QB Anthony Richards played lights out Game 1, as in: he gave it all he had and apparently had nothing to give afterwards in subsequent games.

🏈 Thursday night football recap: Cleveland Browns (29) vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (17) — The Steelers thought they had the jump on the Browns thanks to Najee Harris bringing his A-game in rushing, but the Browns tightened up at the half and came back to get a big win in the AFC North.

⚾ The Philadelphia Phillies continue to cling to a wild card spot in the National League after a big win last night against the defending champs, the Atlanta Braves. Phillies’ pitchers made the game, with Ranger Suárez starting, Zach Eflin coming in in the middle and José Alvarado closing it down. Combined, they allowed the Braves just 6 hits and 2 walks.

NBA

Once again, men prove that they cannot pass the Marshmallow Test

• Do you remember learning about that study in Psych101 with your semi-bald but uncomfortably attractive professor? You know, the one where an adult puts a marshmallow in front of a little kid and says, “Okay, I’m going to walk out of the room. Don’t eat the marshmallow while I’m gone, and I’ll give you FIVE MARSHMALLOWS in return.” No shocker, all the little tater tots fail and eat that one single marshmallow within seconds. Now here’s what the psychologists DON’T tell you. The little girls grow up and learn self-restraint whereas the little boys become… man childs.

• Don’t believe me? Just take the case of Celtics’ Head Coach, Ime Udoka, who was just suspended for the entire 2022-2023 season for having relationships with a staff member. Homeboy knew that such a relationship violated Celtics’ company policy (as a head coach you kinda have a crazy power trip over anyone else, so can they really give consent with job security on the line?). But rather than impose self restraint and get five marshmallows (read: job security, a SALARY, glory as a head coach of one of the best franchises), he had to go ahead and snatch the marshmallow right in front of him — a woman he wanted to cough cough have relations with.

• Just to add some sprinkles to this gossip sundae, Udoka is an ENGAGED MAN, to the incredible, beautiful, and oh-so-supportive Nia Long. The two were set up back in 2010 by a mutual friend and in 2011, they even had a son together. They became engaged in 2015 but never officially tied the knot, as both were focused on their respective careers. TBD how Long reacts to this news but I’d assume the answer is pissed (and rightfully so)

Must Watch This Week

Friday September 23rd, 2022

• ⚾ 6:00pm ET, Baltimore Orioles vs. Houston Astros

• ⚾ 6:00pm ET, Atlanta Braves vs. Philadelphia Phillies

• ⚾ 6:00pm ET, Tampa Bay Rays vs. Toronto Blue Jays

Saturday September 24th, 2022

• 🎓🏈 12:00pm ET, #5 Clemson vs. #21 Wake Forest

• ⚾ 3:00pm ET, Atlanta Braves vs. Philadelphia Phillies

• 🎓🏈 3:30pm ET, #20 Florida vs. #11 Tennessee

• ⚾ 5:00pm ET, Tampa Bay Rays vs. Toronto Blue Jays

• ⚾ 6:00pm ET, Baltimore Orioles vs. Houston Astros

• 🎓🏈 7:00pm ET, #10 Arkansas vs. #23 Texas A&M

• 🎓🏈 7:30pm ET, Wisconsin vs. #3 Ohio State

• 🎓🏈 9:30pm ET, #7 USC vs. Oregon

Sunday September 25th, 2022

• ⚾ 12:00pm ET, Baltimore Orioles vs. Houston Astros

• ⚾ 12:00pm ET, Atlanta Braves vs. Philadelphia Phillies

• ⚾ 12:00pm ET, Tampa Bay Rays vs. Toronto Blue Jays

• 🏈 12:00pm ET, Miami Dolphins vs. Buffalo Bills

• 🏈 3:25pm ET, Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Green Bay Packers

• 🏈 3:25pm ET, Arizona Cardinals vs. LA Rams