Ball Girl #93: BREAKING NEWS: New Yorkers actually have something to celebrate

We New Yorkers are COLD. Literally and spiritually… We will not open doors for you. We will cut you in line at Starbucks because we are obviously already running late. And we will casually step over corpses on the sidewalk (kidding… but am I?). However, by the miracle of miracles, Yankee’s superstar Aaron Judge has managed to make us SMILE. The 30-year-old hit his 61st home run on Wednesday night, tying Roger Maris’ American League record for the most runs in a single season. Maris’ record was set in 1961, which also happens to be 61 years ago. You can’t make this stuff up. If Judge can score 62 before the season's end, he’ll hold the new record. Meanwhile, here I am at 24, holding the record for fastest Smirnoff Ice Chug…..

Can I have your number?

73: record for the most home runs in a single season in all of the MLB, currently held by Barry Bonds from 2001. Aaron Judge currently is tied for the most home runs in the American League, but our boy Barry played in the National League.

TLDRs

🏁 I am now officially on the Singapore bandwagon: not only is this where Crazy Rich Asians was filmed, perhaps the greatest rom-com of our generation, but it also has F1?!?! That’s right, this weekend marks the 17th race of the season, and Max Verstappen (Red Bull) has a chance to clinch the title as World Driver Champion, should he come in first. He’d have so many points that even if he did not race for the rest of the season, no other driver could catch up. So much for a close competition...

🎓🏈 High five for week five! On the menu for this weekend, we have a wonderful serving of games. But if you want the chef’s recommendation, be sure to tune into Alabama vs. Arkansas (and no, not just because it sounds like the lyrics to Home by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros): Alabama is currently a 15-point favorite, BUT they are playing on the road, and as we’ve seen this season (cough cough, against Texas), they have some serious cracks.

🏈 Tua Tagovailoa (QB) was carted off the field on a stretcher last night after taking a nasty hit in the Miami Dolphins game against the Cincinnati Bengals. Read on for more.

⚾ Aaron Judge hit his 61st, Shohei Ohtani almost pitched a no hitter into the 8th inning for the Angels, and the Phillies got swept by the Cubs and are in danger of watching their wild card playoffs spot slip away.

⛳The Sanderson Farms Championship is underway. After R1 yesterday, Davis Riley and Will Gordon sit at the top of the leaderboard, finishing 6-under for the day.

NFL

Miami Dolphins took Spooky SZN a little too literally.

• Look, I love Halloween and the fall, just like the rest of us, and what would this time of year be without a decent horror flick or two? But Miami’s game against the Cincinnati Bengals last night scared the living 💩 out of me, and no, not in a way I enjoyed.

• In just the second quarter, Miami’s wonderboy QB Tua Tagovailoa was sacked. His head slammed into the turf. The ref blew the whistle, and the play ended, but Tua did not get up. Now, we’ve all seen Friday Night Lights, and I was not prepared for a real-life sequel.

• The trainers rushed onto the field, put Tua on a STRETCHER, and rushed him to a local hospital. It was announced that he had sustained head and neck injuries but had full mobility. THANK. GOD. And he was discharged and flew home with his team last night.

• But here’s where this saga gets hotter than that skinny spicy margarita you’ll be drinking later tonight — the Dolphins were already being investigated for their concussion protocol, specifically with Tua. In just last Sunday’s game against the Buffalo Bills, Tua took another hard hit and slammed his head against the turf. He exited the field, was checked out by the medical staff, but returned to resume play almost immediately.

• This was a controversial move by Miami’s medical staff to say the least, as it looked like they were prioritizing a win over the health of their QB (therefore, the investigation).

• TBD when Tua will make a return to the field and what the repercussions will be for Miami, and the entire NFL, for that matter.

Must Watch This Week

Friday September 30th

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, Atlanta Braves vs. NY Mets

• ⚾ 8:20pm ET, Houston Astros vs. Tampa Bay Rays

Saturday October 1st

• 🎓🏈 12pm ET, #4 Michigan vs. Iowa

• 🎓🏈3:30pm ET, #2 Alabama vs. #20 Arkansas

• 🎓🏈 7:30pm ET, #10 NC State vs #5 Clemson

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, Atlanta Braves vs. NY Mets

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, Houston Astros vs. Tampa Bay Rays

Sunday October 2nd

• 🏁 8:00am ET, Singapore Grand Prix

• 🏈 1:00pm ET, Philadelphia Eagles vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

• 🏈 1:00pm ET, Baltimore Ravens vs. Buffalo Bills

• ⚾ 2:00pm ET, Houston Astros vs. Tampa Bay Rays

• ⚾ 7:00pm ET, Atlanta Braves vs. NY Mets

• 🏈 8:20pm ET, Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Kansas City Chiefs

Time Out for the Tea

Tom cheating on Giselle?!🫢

• Tom Brady and Giselle Bünchen fans really have nothing better to do than jump to conclusions, huh? Well, the latest rumor is that Tom cheated on Giselle, and that is the real cause of all of the drama surrounding their marriage lately. BUT, an insider recently told Page Six that “there is absolutely no accusation of cheating on either side.” All we know is that “Tom and Gisele have recently struggled to make their marriage work and have grown apart.” So, conclusion: we know nothing more.